Let It (alter e)Go

It’s not my usual to give up. When you give up there’s the shame, but also the beauty of allowing life to ebb and flow. Rather than swimming against the current, I’ve got to let things go the way they are going, and go with them. It’s not a matter of getting what I want, but getting what I need. The commentary in my project is that between my ego and a character, “Isabella Glitterati”. She’s waiting at the door, giving me one final chance to get my act together before she leaves me. Essentially, I broke up with my ego, or, my alter ego breaks up with me.

She’s had enough. She needs security and deserves to be cherished, but all I seem to bring to the table is a popped balloon and a bunch of excuses. I went on a walk to my island and broke, got back up and set my intentions. Choking back my tears, in the name of conquest, I abandoned this glittering ideal of mine in favor of something a little more raw and muddy. I felt like, if I don’t do something real, I am going to lose a fundamental part of my personhood and I will never have the dignity of an honest person.

I have tried to deliver this post three times and found a typo each time. Maybe I should even give up trying to discuss the art of giving up, but I am persistent yet, ironically. I had to fall into my destiny. It sucks that I had to fall, and I’ve said that before. When you fall, I hope you roll. To me it means that instead of taking the full force of that fall, you’re able to disperse the pain evenly and avoid critical error. If you roll when you fall, you sustain less damage, so I guess what I mean is, when you fall, I hope you do so in a way which allows you to avoid injury.

Good luck, essentially.

Basically.

Still, it can be taken so horribly and turned and twisted and I just get tired of it, but I can’t control the perception of others. Sometimes our kindness, as truly kind people, can be seen as an attack by those who have sustained severe emotional wounds. Sometimes an invitation to be loved can seem like a scam to someone who has seen a lot of pain, so I get it.

I am unhealed in my own ways, so I get it.

I get it.

I move on.

I let it go.

I accept it.

Girl, whatever.